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"As we cultivate self-value, mindfulness, and seek empathetic connections, we empower ourselves to transcend shame and realize we are always worthy." - Sandra Borgonovo
UNDERSTANDING SHAME
Shame is a deep-seated, complex emotional state that profoundly affects how we see ourselves, behave, and relate to others and impacts our mental health. It manifests in various forms, from fleeting embarrassment and inadequacy to overwhelming self-rejection, disgust, and feelings of piercing unworthiness. Moreover, shame can evoke a persistent, even paranoid fear of exposure, keeping us hidden and fearful of embracing our authentic selves. Shame operates with a dual nature—concealing our shame to survive, yet compelling us to reveal our inner truths to thrive.
As the saying goes, "Only the truth will set you free.
Shame is a universal experience influenced by cultural and societal norms. Different cultures have their standards and traditions that shape how shame is perceived.
According to David R. Hawkins in his book "Power vs. Force," shame resides at the lowest vibrational level, akin to guilt, and can drain joy while hindering fulfillment. It often intertwines with fear, and anger, creating a potent mix that can lead to mental health issues like depression, addiction, and emotional turmoil. Overcoming shame is crucial and can be achieved through self-reflection, self-compassion, healing, and a commitment to authenticity.
HOW DOES SHAME ARISE?
Shame arises from various sources and experiences such as trauma, abuse violence, which can deeply internalize feelings of shame. Maya Angelou, in "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," shares her experience of shame after childhood sexual abuse, describing how it silenced her voice and imprisoned her spirit, illustrating how suffocating shame can be.
Additionally, shame stems from family dynamics such as critical parenting and unrealistic expectations, fostering feelings of inadequacy. Personal beliefs about flaws or unworthiness, reinforced by negative experiences, can intensify shame. Social rejection, bullying, and comparisons exacerbate feelings of inadequacy across different contexts. Messages from authority figures or the media promoting perfectionism or stigmatizing traits also contribute to shame, alongside a lack of empathy in personal interactions
HOW CAN WE HEAL?
Brené Brown, in her book "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)," emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and discussing shame as a first step toward healing. Her profound insights and courageous public talks shed light on the nature of shame, describing it as a debilitating emotion that thrives in silence. Brown eloquently writes, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change," emphasizing that we all grapple with shame to some extent. Today, Brené Brown is a leading researcher, storyteller, and advocate on releasing shame, empowering millions with her insights.
In "The Gifts of Imperfection," Brené Brown highlights the transformative power of honesty, compassion, and empathy in overcoming shame. She states, “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive,” stressing the importance of supportive connections in our journey to healing.
Healing from shame involves a multifaceted approach that includes self-reflection, self-acceptance, and personal growth.
Here are some strategies:
Acknowledge shame with self-compassion: Recognize and accept feelings of shame without judgment.
Talk about shame: Open up to trusted individuals who respond with empathy and understanding.
Seek therapeutic support: Engage with professionals like counselors or therapists for safe exploration and processing.
Cultivate mindfulness: Develop awareness of the present moment to distance yourself from shame-inducing thoughts.
Practice yoga: Use yoga to connect your mind and body deeply and promote inner peace.
Nurture self-love and self-worth: Incorporate daily practices that enhance your self-esteem and appreciation.
Journaling: Reflect on daily successes and moments of beauty to reinforce positive self-perception and growth.
In conclusion, navigating shame is a journey of self-discovery, courage, and compassion. It begins with acknowledging vulnerabilities and embracing authenticity. By valuing ourselves, practicing mindfulness, and building empathetic connections, we empower ourselves to rise above shame and recognize our inherent worth. Ultimately, healing from shame encourages us to lovingly accept our humanity.
Sandra Borgonovo,
BA, MA, Certified BodyTalk Practione
Adv. BodyTalk and Parama BodyTalk
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